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Do collect vital information "Inventory all debts; margin investment accounts, credit cards, auto loans, auto leases, personal loans, loans made to others," says Thomas Duffy, CFP and president of Jersey Shore Financial Advisors, LLC.

"Also get copies of credit reports on both spouses; credit card statements for last few years showing spending patterns for each; copies of tax returns for last two to three years; pay stubs for last several months; detailed employment history for both spouses indicating benefits such as deferred compensation, healthcare in retirement or other retiree benefits.

"I don’t think separation equals divorce," says Chapman.

"Separation can lead to an absolutely wonderful marriage if we are willing to deal with the problems that led to the separation." Chapman suggests treating the trauma of separation with a 9-1-1 approach, "If it were a physical problem, we would put you in intensive care and look after you day and night until you either died or got better.

"For contested split-ups photographic evidence, for example videotape, of hard assets, detailed records showing large and or unusual asset movements, withdrawals etc., need to be gathered too," he says.

Martin was far from home, when he walked into the lobby at Calvary Baptist Church one Sunday morning.

A friend said he could get a book there called Hope for the Separated (Moody), by Gary Chapman, Ph. Martin and his wife Leah had been separated for six months and he was desperate for help.

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More often than not, the way you handle your exit will determine your ex's entrance—into your wallet, your circle of friends, and the judge's predisposition on settlement day.

The same holds true for men trying to hurt or demean their wives.

You might have held all the winning cards if she has a drinking problem or cheated on you, but you'll blow it if you come across as abusive verbally, emotionally or physically.

Don't handpick your share Telling the other side what you want may lead to handing them leverage to use against you later.

If you really want the antique tea set or the newer car, just tell your attorney that – and no one else!

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